Uncategorized Archives - Page 10 of 10

The holidays are upon us. A time to get together with friends and family to eat unhealthy food products, reminisce about times spent together, and hopefully avoid talking about politics or religion. I like to get together with people, but there are times when it holds no appeal whatsoever for me. So when does a gathering transform itself from being something I look forward too into something I dread?

After reaching The Tipping Point.

As an introvert, there is a tipping point I must always try and be aware of. It is the precipice reached while being around others when my patience begins to wane and I get the creeping desire to retreat back into my shell as soon as possible. This tipping point functions in two different scenarios, either of which can send me over the edge. The first one involves the amount of time and/or social interaction I can partake in before I need a break. The other scenario is related to how many people I can stand to be around at any one time and still expect to feel comfortable and enjoy myself.

Once falling over the edge of the tipping point, my politeness begins to recede, the smiles come less freely, and my attention begins to drift off to far flung places. There is a physical weariness as well. I can run a marathon and feel energized and enthusiastic, but put me in a situation where I have to make small talk for multiple hours and I can feel utterly spent.

The amount of time I can spend engaged with any one person or group of people varies greatly. Some people I can be around for days and still feel ok, while others take it out of me within a matter of minutes. It’s all about the level of engagement. I don’t want to listen to someone who opens their mouth and away they go down whatever circuitous paths their mind might be wandering along. I’ve already got to listen to my own never ending discombobulated brain dump and that is exhausting enough! I also tire of hearing about the minutia of someone’s day. What they ate for breakfast, who said what to so and so, etc. I think to myself “Does this story have any point at all?”. I know, some people need to verbally process. I do too sometimes, but not about my breakfast.

Each social event has its own tipping point. After the attendance at an event surpasses a certain number, I no longer look forward to going and instead begin to view the occasion as a chore. I think this number might be two, myself included. Just kidding. Between eight and ten persons is a good number, depending on the individuals of course. Some people count for more than one. Beyond that number, the gathering must naturally break up into smaller units in order to have any conversation that doesn’t feel like a support group meeting of some sort. As a larger group breaks up into smaller components, then I have to make decisions. Which sub-group should I go too? What should I talk about? If I just go sit in the corner and pick up a magazine, how rude will everyone think me?

Lucky for me, over the years I have developed a strong introvadar. With it I can generally pick out the other introverts in the room. This is not hard and I’m sure you can find them too. We are either hiding in a corner of the room somewhere, hanging out by the food with our mouth full so we won’t be expected to talk, or we’re outside where it is quieter. Once another introvert is spotted, I move towards them as quickly as possible, hoping as I cross the room that I don’t get stopped by an extrovert who needs an ear.

Contrary to what one might expect, introverts are great conversationalists. Why? Because we do not enjoy small talk and consider it a waste of valuable energy that could better be spent staring off into space. When we do talk, we like to have conversations about the things that keep us up at night, about the things that truly excite us, and about how annoying and tiring all the extroverts in our lives can be. Don’t get me wrong, we love extroverts and we need them. They can be quite entertaining and they fill up awkward silences very well, though for an introvert, there is really no such thing as an awkward silence. This term was clearly penned by an extrovert. Silence is a beautiful thing, even in a room full of people. For introverts, silence provides the space for life to breath, to notice the things of beauty all around us, and to appreciate all the wonderful people in our life. Even the extroverts.

This post was influenced and inspired by Caring for Your Introvert

Many months have passed since last I posted something in this space. It would be easy to say that I have been busy, but in the end it is not a question of what I have been doing instead of writing, it is a question of priorities. What do we do with the limited amount of time we have allotted to us? Each day. Each moment.

It is sometimes difficult to know one’s priorities. When I try to discern them, I feel forces tugging at me from many directions. These include the things I think I should be doing, the tasks I really need to do, and items that I may perceive as needs but that perhaps I should not be spending my time and attention on. When choosing priorities, what often gets left out of the equation is doing those things that can add more meaning to life, those things that make us look deeply inside ourselves.

When choosing priorities, what often gets left out of the equation is doing those things that can add more meaning to life, those things that make us look deeply inside ourselves.

The priorities in my life have been in a constant state of flux lately. I inhabit two very different worlds and have been moving between them with a great deal of frequency. There is my working world and my Asheville world. In the working world, I am away from home either leading an Outward Bound course or guiding bicycle tours. My priorities in the working world are decided for me. I get up early and work until I fall into bed exhausted at night. All my priorities for the day are dictated according to what’s going on with the trip, and the people involved with it. My time spent in the working world allows me to not have to make any decisions about my priorities.

I think it could be that many of us like to have our priorities determined for us. It allows us to abdicate some level of responsibility for our lives. If we are unsatisfied or unhappy, we can lay some blame on the fact that some external force, be it our jobs or some person in our life, is in control of our time. This sloughing off of responsibility might not be particularly healthy, and it could lead to some deep resentments. But having our priorities laid out for us is certainly easier than deciding for ourselves what to do with the finite amount of time we are granted.

Upon returning to my Asheville world, I have a blank slate in front of me ranging in length from a day or two to several weeks. One would think this should be an invigorating thing, but it usually stresses me out to no end. As I wake each morning, my mind begins to thrash about, parsing through what I might do, weighing all sorts of competing impulses against one another. Though I have a whole day ahead of me, it amazes me how quickly the time gets filled, yet too often I am left with the feeling that I did not accomplish anything of substance.

There is always a long list of the day to day tasks that life and society requires that I do to keep things humming along, things that are important like keeping the house in order and dealing with finances, etc. Other chunks of time are filled with those self-imposed priorities such as keeping up with the stacks of reading material both analog and digital that I have allowed into my life, or opening up a web browser to do something that at one time I had deemed important only to realize an hour later that I do not even remember what that thing was and whether or not I had actually accomplished it or not. All this leaves little time for that list of things I think I would really like to do, the projects that require more time and focus. These are the things that might have no immediate tangible benefits, but may create more real value in my life and perhaps that of others.

The issue is this: The things that add value to our lives and the world we live in can be difficult, sometimes even painful to do. It is difficult to get out of bed on a cold, rainy morning and go for a run, even though the physical and emotional benefits are well worth it. It may seem inconvenient or uncomfortable to make a few phone calls in order to set up some intentional time to spend with the important people in our life, or to schedule an opportunity to be of service to someone who needs it. And for me, it feels difficult to put in the effort required to try and create something of quality that I hope will be of some worth to others instead of just an outlet for whatever thoughts might be running around in my head.

If we can learn how to pay attention to the choices we make regarding how we spend our time, we have the power to change.

So here is what I try and remember about priorities: Every moment of our life, we get to start again. We can refocus our priorities on the things that are truly important to us. If we can learn how to pay attention to the choices we make regarding how we spend our time, we have the power to change.

Though I have not visited this space for quite some time now, for the next month there is no work on my calendar and many rough drafts in the queue that need polishing and refining. Will they ever see the light of day here? It is really a question of priorities and whether or not I can wade through all the other things that are pulling at my attention to see clearly if this is one of them. Stay tuned.