This is a series of posts that will log some of my thoughts in the month leading up to my moving back to New Zealand. This piece was written in 2012 at the end of my first trip to New Zealand.
Pakira Beach Holiday Park
April 6, 2012
Mind half here and half there, my heart slowly breaking at the thought of leaving while yearning for home all at the same time. Awash in a stew of conflicting emotions. Relief, joy, longing, sorrow, and excitement. I will miss the colors of the sky clashing with the land and the sea here, the vastness as I look in any direction, the lonesome roadways, the calm. A strange land, both old and new, tropical and cold. A clashing. A contradiction. Isolated from the cares of much of the rest of this world, cut off, protected by wind and wave from all sides. A haven. A place that had been my home for two months now. A place I will leave behind in 48 hours.
I did not read your introduction first, and just started in on the main part. I thought you were describing your feelings at leaving NorthCarolina. Interesting how similar the feelings are. Thank you for articulating. I love you John and Mary. I see people so rarely now that your posts are really affecting me. Like a good visit after the small talk when we get down to how we really are. If we can be like this with each other in cyberspace, it gives me hope that the connections we all feel separated from won’t be so devastating. Please keep this up when you have time.
Thank you Suzanne. It’s true that leaving any place you love for someplace else brings such mixed emotions. I think back so fondly to the day we got to visit with you in Chattanooga two years ago and am glad that we can still connect through sharing our experiences online. I look forward to a time when our paths will connect more directly again.